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The Journey

Jan. 6th, 2013 | 04:33 pm
mood: awake awake

This is one of those days when I really want to write, and I absolutely want to have a finish product.  Where do I start? My longing to write my experiences in a journal started during my first day in Rome. Everything was so surreal and all I can do is to gasp, and remind myself to close my mouth- as my eyes wonder aimlessly at the magnificent and extraordinary beauty of Rome, Italy. I  had a dream, while I was in Rome, that my writings were complemented by someone distinguished. I guess that dream sort of inspired me to make a written account of my experiences during my 19 days European pilgrimage with my family.

Day 1: Rome, Italy
             As the bus traverse the modern highway of Italy, a large and tall red bricked wall appeared in front of us. The tour leader abruptly cut off his trivial story about his life, and focused his talk on the massive wall ahead of us. He immediately informed every one that once we entered those wall, we are officially in ancient Rome. The view was absolutely stunning. It looks like we're traveling along the roads of Beverly Hills because there are palm tree like trees planted along the roads of Rome. Later on, I found out that it was called maritime trees. Our amazement and awe with these walls were later on overshadowed by the astounding and dream like scenery of the City. It felt like entering the walls of Rome, transported us back in the ancient times. The buildings, cobbled streets, people wearing gladiator costumes outside the coliseum, the guards standing beside the eternal flame at Piazza Venezia, the beautiful river, and the preserved city of Rome keeps the radiance of the ancient  in the modern times. As we toured along the small streets of Rome, the bus took a left turn on one of the streets. We're suddenly traversing a wide road, heading towards a majestic basilica. I didn't quite understand my feelings as we approach Vatican city. It's like I'm only watching from a virtual screen and no barring of being present at that particular moment. I couldn't believe my eyes. I wanted to touch it and feel the marbled columns and walls. Am I really in Vatican city? The city where the highest seat of Roman Catholic Church lives. It's absolutely amazing. I saw several cardinals, priest, and nuns walking casually on the streets of Vatican. It's so surreal and wonderful at the same time. Even when the tour leader was informing us about the names of the structures, and the different trivia about the city, I couldn't absorb anything. I looked on my left, and on my right incessantly, whenever he wanted to show us something, took a photo of it, and then go back to my bemused and wondering state. I can't remember the number of times I said wow, that's beautiful, ang ganda, wow, and etc. I can't thank God enough for allowing me and my family to experience such beauty and rich culture. I can't stop thanking God for welcoming us in the Vatican city, where the center of the catholic faith is situated. Thank you Lord! truly your plans are much more amazing, massive, and fantastic that my dreams. You've answered my prayer on a much grander, remarkable, and meaningful scale. This experience made me hope more and trust deeper in your ways. Lord, may I be ready and be worthy of your blessings, and may I forever be grateful, and thankful for your love, blessings, gifts, trusts, and mercy.
             After roaming the streets of Rome by bus, our tour leader instructed us that we will be going down for our first walking tour, and our first dinner in Rome. We were dropped off near the entrance of an angel palace.  to be continued

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Feb. 8th, 2012 | 05:13 pm

February 8, 2012
As the Earth Allows the Rain

Sitting with Feelings

Taking the time now to sit with your feelings and acknowledge them will save you much distress down the road.

It can take great courage to really sit with our feelings, allowing ourselves to surrender to their powerful energies. All too often we set our feelings aside, thinking we will deal with them later. If we don’t deal with them, we end up storing them in our minds and bodies and this is when anxiety and other health issues can arise. Denying what our bodies want to feel can lead to trouble now or down the line, which is why being in the thick of our feelings, no matter how scary it seems, is really the best thing we can do for ourselves.

One of the reasons we tend to hide or push aside our feelings is that we live in a culture that has not traditionally supported emotional awareness. However, as the connection between mind and body--our emotions and our physical health-- becomes clearer, awareness of the importance of feeling our feelings has grown. There are many books, classes, workshops and retreats that can help us on our way to emotional intelligence. We can also trust in our own ability to process what comes up when it comes up. If sadness arises, we can notice its presence and welcome it, noting where in our bodies we feel it, and allowing ourselves to express it through tears or a quiet turning inward.

When we simply allow ourselves to fully feel our feelings as they come, we tend to let them go easily. This is all we are required to do; our feelings simply want to be felt. We often complicate the situation by applying mental energy in the form of analysis, when all we really need is to allow, as the earth allows the rain to fall upon it. As the rain falls, the earth responds in a multitude of ways, sometimes emptying out to form a great canyon, sometimes soaking it up to nourish an infinitude of plants. In the same way, the deeper purpose of our feelings is to transform the terrain of our inner world, sometimes creating space for more feelings to flow, sometimes providing sustenance for growth. All we need to do is allow the process by relaxing, opening, and receiving the bounty of our emotions.

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As a result of my member free morning at the reception.

Jul. 20th, 2011 | 08:54 am
location: Singapore, Singapore
music: Sunshine _ gabrielle

Before all my dreams get flushed in the drain, I might as well list all of the dreams that I have in this journal.

1. To become a preschool teacher.
2. To own a preschool
3. To go to New York
4. To watch a Lakers game at Staples Center
5. To go to Japan
6. To be fluent in Nihongo
7. To work at ADB
8. To work for the UN
9. To have my own family
10. To be married with the man that I love and who loves me for the rest of my life.
11. To continue to be friends with my current friends
12. To help my family and to love them with all of my heart.
13. To put God above all things
14. To go to Holy Land pilgrimage with my family
15 To go to the States with my Family
16. To be a good swimmer
17. To become a diver and to have a diving license
18. To try sky diving
19. To swim with the Dolphins
20. To watch the world cup live with my friends
21. To travel Europe especially Spain with my friends
22. To be a catalyst of change
23. To become a pastry chef
24. To put up a cafe with my friends
25. To watch arashi's concert in Japan live
26. To watch a Broadway show in London or in New York
27.To go to Disney Land in the USA
28. To go to Universal studios USA
29. To visit Posh in Canada
30. To go to Korea with my friends
31. To work in a yoochien in Japan
32. To see the aurora borealis in Scandinavia
33. To visit Seychelles
34. To go to Eygpt
35. To go to Africa especially the Safari
36. To have my own car
37. To have my own house

I'm not sure if these are all my dreams but it’s all I can remember right now. My dream list is dominated by my desire to travel and experience the world with my loved ones.

What should I do?

I really want and need to become a preschool teacher. Why did I stop chasing after it? Is it too late to process it now or should I wait for another school year to jump start my dream/. Lord, kayo na po ang bahala, these are my list. It's all up to you now.

Arigatou gozaimasu kami sama

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I want to chase the real thing!

Jun. 16th, 2011 | 02:09 am

Can somebody please tell me how I would know if I am chasing the right thing? I'm in a middle of chasing after my dreams and I always ended up bumping into challenges in the most inopportune time and its does affect my pacing. Actually, it's deviating me from my intended goal.

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.. chased by bed bugs ... kowaiii

Feb. 27th, 2011 | 09:45 pm

How do i switch back to reality? Dreamland is irresistible and peaceful but somehow, I feel that my expiry date in this fantasy world is long over due. I am being pushed inch by inch towards it's exit to accommodate new settlers. I'm not sure if I am ready to leave. I may never be ready but I absolutely need to go out and get things started in the real world.

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Feb. 27th, 2011 | 09:38 pm
location: Singapore, Singapore

When will this chase be over. 

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Nov. 12th, 2010 | 09:31 pm

Lately, all I have been doing is unleashing the devil within me. I couldn’t explain it. It’s so vicious yet so honest and liberating. A part of me wants to have it as my constant companion because of its unstoppable force and power and at the same time I want to lock it in the deepest chamber of myself (for all the right reason). Whenever these two personas surfaced in the present, I am often bombarded with the question of who I really am. Am I this badass chick who wouldn’t turn down on any fight and pursue a miss independent life conveyed by the media or am I this goody too shoes homey gal who can’t wait to have her own family and finds fulfillment in seeing her children live a happy and wonderful life and most of all who enjoys and long for the company of her husband. I guess I’m a bit of the two, after all these sprang from one person right? Maybe I just need to find a way to put them together. How to integrate these two personas is still way beyond my capability but I’ll try to make it work.

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building sand castles is futile

Sep. 17th, 2010 | 10:15 am
location: Singapore, Singapore
mood: indescribable indescribable
music: I never let you go - Faith Evans

I have cling on to a notion for so long and built my current reality on top of it. It made me believe that such reality does exist. It was too late for me to realize that such notion is made of sand. Now that the truth has been set out, its only a matter of time before the 1st morning wave reaches my reality. A sure sign of my world crumbling down to the last bit of sand in my so called castle and finally allowing the waves to take my earthly and futile thoughts away. Maybe it is time to surrender everything to fate's flowing waters. It may be dark but with faith securely kept in the deepest chamber of my heart, I know that I can manage whatever it is they throw at me. It's time to break ancient walls that veered me from embracing change... cheers to a new beginning. Cheers to finally letting God's plan to reign in my life. Cheers to family, cheers to friendships, and cheers to happiness, peace of mind and love.

Kanpai minnasan : ) 

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Just getting the hang of it

Apr. 1st, 2010 | 12:48 pm



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dou suru!! tasukete

Mar. 19th, 2010 | 09:22 pm
location: Yew tee, Singapore
mood: weird weird
music: friendship by Aiba Masaki

I'm baffled ... I think! Demo Ganbarimasu

I miss flailing for arashi and other JE boys.. I've been away for SO long and I need to catch up on A LOT OF THINGS!! Screw these things that veered me away from my JE boys and those inspiring and entertaining JDORAMAS!  mendokusai YO!! 

Oh well, I guess i really need to deal with it :( I won't give up though! Ganbarimasu!!

kotoshi wa nihon ni ikitai desu yo!! minnasan ikimashou ka? 

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